I made the money Friday night finishing 5th in the $120 tournament. However, I did lose 3 times on Saturday starting with one entry in the $120 1pm tournament, followed by losing twice during the 7pm $80 event. In the second entry of the evening, I lost with a set of deuces to a set of Aces. The guy in the large blind had Aces with 8 callers after he didn’t raise. It was set over set. I got in cheap with a pair of deuces and 3 spades on the board. I moved all-in, and the large blind called. I figured him for a flush, but he had a set of Aces. Only 1 card in the deck could help, which wasn’t forthcoming, so I went home. Thus, it was to be an early night. The odds of losing to set over set are 1-2 %. I’ve experience a crushing run of being on the losing end of set over set, enduring the malady twice in the last month, but this is the first time since I received the Ouija Board from Paul.
I came back for the Sunday $80 12 noon tournament. I was out in 50 minutes. Naturally, I was wondering if the Ouija Board was to blame. Paul shared with me a similar poker calamity. He finished one place out of the money in the $120 event yesterday afternoon. Being victimized by set over set sucks, but I prefer to face elimination early to sitting for 4 hours just to be eliminated one out of making the money. So, I drove home processing what conversation I would be having with my Ouija Board. I walked in my room after pouring more coffee. It was still early, and I did not want to be under the influence of alcohol for this conversation. He started right in on me after reading my facial expression. “No f%#@ing way! You’re not blaming this on me. I’m not the reason you played like S^&#. Is it my fault you raised with A-9 off-suit under the gun? Then raised all-in when an Ace hit against an Ace-King How do you like to say it? Oops! That wasn’t me. That was you being a dumbf#$&.”
“Maybe today, but I wasn’t this stupid, before I brought you into my house,” I protested.
“Yes, you were, Snarky Mark,” insisted the board, “You were just lucky, and nobody realized you suck at poker.”
“How do you know my name?” I asked, “I haven’t told you my name.”
“I live in your head,”said the Ouija, “ By the way, did you know your brain looks like Swiss cheese. No wonder you suck at poker, and your missus from Mississippi thinks you have dementia.”
“So what’s your name, smarty pants?” I asked.
“I’m Typo Marko,” he said, “Every misplay, every typographical error, every love-letter misconstrued. I may have had something to do with it. When Stevo calls you Typo Marko, he’s really summoning me.”
“Well, don’t expect me to say ‘nice to meet you.’” I replied.
“That’s fine don’t expect me to give you free lessons on the game of poker,” said Typo Ouija Board Marko.
“Like you could teach me anything about poker,” I countered.
“Like not raising with Ace-9 off-suit under the gun, playing pocket deuces, 10 high flush draws, or re-raising all-in with pocket 10’s against a tight playing competent woman down the stretch who could only have Aces?” suggested Typo Ouija Board Marko.
“Maybe,” I pondered what he was saying.
“Are you starting to see how this works?” He carried on, “It’s not about lucky underwear, shirts, and other player’s mistakes. Yeah, luck plays a role. Occasionally. Sometimes, Aces get cracked. The real question is are you consistently put your money up against hands you are likely to dominate? How many hands does pocket Deuces dominate without making trips on the flop? Ask yourself that before blaming Typo Ouija Board Marko. Just remember, you suck at poker. You won’t get better until you accept your inner suckyness, and try to do something about it.”
“So, you’re saying Poker Player Ray was correct when he said it was pure fiction when I claimed to be an accomplished poker player?” I asked.
“Take it from Typo Ouija Board Marko. Why do you think he made the book? And here’s a freebie,” said Typo Marko, “Poker Dealer Joey is not your friend. He just likes your tips, and he’s not talking about the fact that you used to perform circumcisions.”
“Just great a Ouija Board who tells jokes,” I commented.
“Thank you, I’ll be here all month. Try the red-beans and rice,” Typo Ouija Board Marko joked imitating a lounge act, “Never try for an inside straight, but inside jokes are fair game”
Somewhere in my head or in the distance, I couldn’t quite tell, I heard a rim-shot by a drummer.
