I could have won more. My weekend of poker started with Hot Spot Don declaring, “I didn’t insult you, Mark.”
“But you thought about it,” I countered, “Thou hast sinned against be in thine heart. Depart from me. I know thee not.”
Thus, he was banished from the tournament in 3rd place, leaving me to face Roger the valiant heads-up poker player for the victory. If you read my blog on poker, you’ll find that I write about my adventures playing tournaments at the Pensacola Greyhound Track, and I write about various players I encounter along the way. Sometimes, I attribute insulting comments directed at me to various staff and opponents. Subsequently, they will come up to me and deny verbalizing the insult I attributed to them, but there are many who wish they could claim responsibility for such a wise crack.
For example, take Joey the dealer who never misses an opportunity to tell me he’s not my friend even though I have a tournament ticket that identifies me as Joey’s friend. Then, there’s Poker Player Ray who actually made the Insulting Endorsement section of my book,The Trained Ghost Gimmick, where I attributed an insult to him. So, he insults me at every opportunity available. One time before taking his seat at a different table than mine he says, “Mark.”
“What, Ray?”
“F@%# you!”
We both laughed. In another tournament, he describe how I knocked him out of a previous tournament when I had a straight, and he had King-high. He tried to bluff me. In yet another hand, in the current tournament, I moved all-in with Ace-Queen suited in diamonds. Kevin, my set over set nemesis from weeks earlier asked Ray what he thought I had. Ray said without hesitation, “He’s full of $&#%”
So Kevin called with pocket 3’s. When I failed to hit anything on the board, I was eliminated, and Ray was laughing all the way. The reality is I invite the insults, so Hot Spot Don didn’t need to worry about whether I thought he insulted me, because I like to insult myself, and blame others. I will still tip him when I see him at Hot Spot BBQ on 9th Avenue. I really enjoyed meeting him Saturday even if he does regret telling me where he works.
Back to Saturday’s tournament, it came down to Roger Mack and I for who the winner would be. I had had the biggest stack most of the way leading a small field of 11. Most of the tournament was played at one table. I was seated between 2 newbies who were friends. To my right was Jim, and to my left was Nick. They both needed to show some identification in order to register. I told them if they played bad, they be would reading about it in my the blog on www.MarkBurtman.com . They wouldn’t even insult me, except by incessantly saying yes sir to me. They repeatedly swore they were 19. I told them about how 18 year old Enzo had defeated me a few weeks earlier to win a tournament. They never bluffed into a dry side pot, so I have nothing bad to say about them.
Day 1E of the 50K event wrapped up that evening as I was playing the Saturday night $80 event. Ouija Board Paul survived to play day 2, which would be held Sunday at noon. So, I went over and shook his hand in congratulations between hands in my own tournament. He was happy I took the Ouija Board off his hands, and he has been scoring more wins since then, while I have been struggling to win anything. Rather than blame the Ouija Board for my failures, I decided to try a different approach: Play better poker. I developed a reputation for aggressive play with frequent bluffing. I got knocked out of a tournament a week before by bluffing with Queen-high into quad 8’s. The guy who knocked me out that day looked so scared that I pounced with nothing. Rather than sheepishly hide, I advertise it. I encourage Poker Player Ray to tell anyone who will listen that I’m full of BS. That’s marketing.
Back to my confrontation with Roger. He had boasted that he played his best poker short-handed. It was more than a boast. He was indeed competent. We started off with me in the chip lead. I eventually moved All-in with Ace-5. He called with Ace-7. His dominating hand held up. I was still in, but severely crippled. We agreed to chop it with him the winner, splitting the money evenly at $251.
Both he and I were due back Sunday at noon for day 2 of the 50k. 55 players took their seats. We had saved our chips in plastic bags from our respective day one finishes. I had 44,500 in chips, Paul had around 20,000, Lethal Kathy around 20,000, and Nicolas had around 20,000. In talking to Paul, I recommended making a move early as the blinds were going to be at 3,000-3,000-1,500. At 7,500 per round, patience was not a virtue at 20,000.
Nicolas survived to day 2 with a small stack. I had played with him most the day Tuesday, and he was seated between Psycho-killer Alice Collins and I. I had doubled up against him once after my second buy-in required when Alice had cracked my Aces with a suited 6-3 after calling my raise from the blind. I had complained to everyone Saturday night about how Allison had cracked my Aces with a 6-3 that she said was a righteous play, because she was in the blind and they were suited. The irony is that I played a suited 6-3 Saturday night from early position. Nobody raised. The pot was 4-handed. I caught a six on the turn and won the pot even after complaining about the same hand by the Psycho-killer. Everyone at the table chuckled, as did Alice when I told her about it Sunday.
Back to Lethal Kathy, she and I have had our battles over the last few weeks and months. Her husband is Bobby, or is it Robby. He won’t tell me what he prefers I call him, except they he only says, “Don’t call me.”
Yet, somehow he communicates that I talk too much, and he agrees with my nickname of Shut Up Mark. He and I also have our battles. Lethal Kathy is notorious for decimating stacks of chips. She is the new author of a children’s book called Backyard Adventures that she wrote with the assistance of her grandchildren. I will be buying it for my grand-kids. She hears me talk about my book incessantly, so we do discuss authorship before she knocks me out of tournaments, though I have occasionally had the pleasure of eliminating her in tournaments past. She deftly built her stack up to over 400,000 that Sunday. At table 20, which would eventually be the final table, she moved All-in. I had pocket Queens with just about 175,000 in chips. I have such respect for her lethality, that I actually contemplated folding, but I decided not this time. I called, and she showed Ace-King suited. My Queens held up, and I was over 350,000 in chips. She was moved to the other table, and went out 10th.
Roger, the aforementioned winner the night before, went out 9th when he bet into trip Queens with two Queens on the board when Solo showed heheld a Queen. It was an audacious play by Roger. My nemesis at the final table would be Brantly and Nicolas. I had doubled up Brantly earlier when I had called his Aces with my Jacks. In another big hand I took Ace-Queen against Brantly, yet again, who had pocket 10’s. I couldn’t hit, so I was down to about 60,000. With blinds at 16,000-16,000-8,000, I moved in from late position with 8-9 of clubs. I was called by an Ace-6 suited in hearts. I had two live cards, so I liked my chances, but he hit both his Ace and 6 by the river, so I cashed $1,087 for the day and $1,338 on the weekend.
So I was graciously pissed off? Why? First place would have paid $10,712. If I would have hit my Ace-Queen, I could have won more. This was a talented group at the final table. There is an old saying, if you sit at a table and can’t identify the sucker, the sucker is you. Now, I’ve been the sucker at the table many times, and still won. That’s been my adventure in poker. I won $63,000 at the World Series of poker and I was pissed off about it then, because I had the 2nd most chips when we were 3 handed. Second place would’ve payed $104,000, but I had Aces cracked and that reduced me to 3rd place. That’s how you get pissed off about the biggest win of your life. Nonetheless, I salute the 7 players that outlasted me. They include the aforementioned Nicolas, and Brantly, to go with Arizona Mateo, and his good friend who’s name I forgot. To my left, I was tortured by Mission Impossible John who looks just like the original star of Mission Impossible with his white hair and gentlemanly demeanor. To my right was Bluffing Jason. If I left your name out, you may be happy I forgot you, but shoot me a text, and I’ll correct the omission. I don’t know who won, because I drowned more sorrows in beer and sashimi at Rocknroll Sushi. Such has been my adventure in poker. I won $63,000 at the World Series of poker and I was pissed off about it then, because I had the 2nd most chips when we were were 3 handed. Second place would pay $104,000, but I had Aces cracked and that reduced me to 3rd place. That’s how you get pissed off about the biggest win of your life. This was my biggest win of the year. I’m happy I beat the curse of the Ouija Board, but I still wore my lucky underwear, shirt, and shorts.
One Response
I promised to tell people what hand I moved all-in with at the final table on Sunday. It was King-Queen of diamonds. The flop was Queen-x diamonds-x diamonds . My opponent who had raised had a huge stack. I had the diamond draw and the top pair.