I have recently declared that Alice, my nemesis, is the Psycho-Killer in poker tournaments. So, Thursday night I sat down at the $60 satellite to the next 50K event in August at the Pensacola Greyhound Track. To my left sat Josie who I frequently play against, sometimes in tournaments, and other times in Omaha High-Low split. Her boyfriend is Carlos, a nice guy who also plays Omaha High-Low. They are a nice couple. I like them both. Carlos is mild-mannered, but Josie is a feisty Filipina who speaks her mind. She is a capable player in both Omaha and Hold’em, as is Carlos. However, Josie expresses her anger when she’s in the blind and I raise, which is a common complaint among Omaha High-Low players, because the advantages between starting hands is not as dominant from hand to hand. Thus, I raise so much more when playing Hold’em. Nonetheless, I do raise more in Omaha High-Low than the average player, which causing weeping and gnashing of teeth.
I was telling Josie about my recent article that described Alice as the Psycho-Killer, when Josie said, “Hey, that’s my nickname!”
“You have to earn that nickname,” I replied, “But, if you beat me, I will change your nickname from Feisty Filipina to Psycho-Killer”
She screeched in accented English, “No, I am not copy-cat! But don’t worry. I will kill you just fine all by myself.”
Soon Carlos joined our table taking the place of Cutter who was eliminated by Drew, who resembled Santa Clause, but made sure I understood his name was Drew. I asked, “Is that Santa Drew?”
He responded, “Have I told you I know how to turn a reindeer into deer sausage? I think Shut Up Mark is a good nickname for you.”
“Just don’t turn me into sausage and I’ll shut up,” I said.
The fact that he was in seat 9 while I was in seat 1 might have saved me, because my friend, Joey, was dealing between us, though the idea of Drew turning me into Snarky Mark sausage was not unappealing to him, despite the fact he would never eat such a dish hot or cold. However, I did inform Joey that I named a character after him in my vampire pirate sequel, The Vampire’s Daughter, which will be the sequel to my soon to be released Vampire book, The Lost Art of Bloodletting. I told him he would be a pirate captain named Joey Laville, who would be turned into a vampire by a Romanian strigoi named Vladimir. Joey just told me Joey wouldn’t work as pirate name, and suggested Yosef or Guiseppi.
David, who was seated at seat 4, gently admonished Santa Drew for betting into the dry side pot after Cutter went all-in. I have been critical in a previous article about bluffing into a dry side pot. David and his wife, Carol, are good poker players. There are times when I called him Paul, and he has had to set me straight. Subsequently, I have befriended Ouija Board Paul. Consequently, I named a pirate after David and Paul with the name Davy Paul Jones.
I have digressed. Cutter, who is in the Navy, reentered the satellite, and fared much better, winning a seat to the event in August. The feisty Filipina Josefina and I continued to banter, though it was mostly good natured, unless I raised her blind. Then, it was pure derision. Carlos is Portuguese or Brazilian. I just remember he is a native speaker of Portuguese. He is more even tempered than Josie, but he dares not tell her to calm down, because she seems like the kind of lady you dare not say that to if you want to keep the peace. She is lovely, yet scary. I have an ex-wife with similar attributes.
Carlos was moved to another table, leaving me to defend myself against the feisty Filipina Josefina who covets the nickname Psycho-Killer. As the competition wound down toward the final table, and everyone understood why my nickname was Shut Up Snarky Mark, I had a hand against David the admonisher of Santa Drew. It was essentially a coin toss. He had Queens, and I had Ace-King. I couldn’t catch my over-cards, so he decimated my stack. When we were down to 9 players, we redrew for seats at the final table. I was reduced to to 7,000 chips with the blinds at 2,000-2,000-1,000. I was under the gun, meaning I was next to take the large blind. Josie was on my right, and would take the large blind first. She would have the short stack with only about 3,500 chips. So she had no choice but to put in all her chips. I decided I was also critically low on chips as well. So, if I had anything I was going all in.
I looked down at my cards and saw King-9 of suited diamonds. I pushed all-in. In a satellite, they give out a certain amount of entries worth $180. This time it would be 5 entries with 6th place receiving a $60 entry coupon good for any tournament. So, people play very tight with 9 people left, because there is nothing to be gained by having more chips. 5th place gets the same thing as first place. Consequently, everyone folded around to Josie after I moved all-in. She scoffed at me, but had no choice but to fade the bet, because the blind structure was such that she was required to put up 4,000, which left her all-in. She showed a Jack-7 to my King-9. I hit a King and she was eliminated. She jabbed and pinched me, saying, “You so mean to me!You always raising me!”
She didn’t pinch too hard, so I survived the encounter even though I’m on blood-thinners. So, I laughed and tried to explain it wasn’t personal and I had no choice. She strikes me as a good natured brand of feisty, but she will speak her mind, an attribute I respect. I did win a seat for August 22, by eliminating Santa Drew when I moved all-in with a Jack-10 after his raise. By then I had accumulated a healthy stack of chips with timely raises against opponents just trying to survive into the top 5. My Jack-10 held up against his pocket 8’s, and we went to see Adrian to get our seat assignments. She works opposite Kinzie running the tournaments. She lamented the fact that I named a ship after LC, Kinzie, and Tristan in my vampire pirate sequel to soon to be released, The Lost Art of Bloodletting. The ship is called the LC Kinzie Tristan. Adrian was like, “Shut Up Mark, Where’s my ship, you snarky #$%@”
She didn’t actually say that, but I do write fiction. Thus some embellishment does occur like vampires, pirates and ghosts who drink beer and play poker. I came back on Friday and cashed for $295 finishing in 4th place. Poker Player Ray antagonized me all night. I had met another guy named Drew who looked nothing like Santa Clause, because he is active duty. I shared a beer with him before the tournament, and I described my book and my blog as usual. I described Poker player Ray, and how he never denies insulting me with his incessant jabs, going so far as to knock over my stack of chips. Drew smiled and said, “He’s just the way you described him.”
But that’s going to be detailed in the next article. Keep on reading.
